This morning I went to the cemetery to lay flowers for Eric, my husband of 37 years, who passed away on Nov 10, 2007. The devil cancer invaded his body and took him from us in a few fleeting months. We thought he would make it, he and I , we never believed for one second that he would die. Although the doctors told us the cancer was incurable, we figured if they could get it under control with Chemo, he would get a few more years, enough time for the medical world would find a way to save his life.
We believed this , him and I , but we were wrong, he died here in our home, on a Saturday evening while waiting for the kids to come home , my grandchild's Birthday, cake & Ice cream, all as normal. ..................but then , all of a sudden, he came out of the bathroom and said " El, I can't breathe !!!" over and over he said that and then looked at me and slumped. I lay him on the floor, tried desperately to breath life back into him, my daughter pounding on his chest, valiantly tying to keep him with us long enough for the medical people to arrive with the machines...............But no, he looked at me only once more and died , boom , gone............and then, they all came, the police, the ambulance people , the family, all of them, and Eric lay dead in my arms, dead and starting to get cool, dead and not ready to be carried out of our home , not ready to go , not ready to leave his dog and his family...........BUT , they took him away , out of our back door, forever.............
In a few days, we buried him in the Vet's cemetery where he wanted to go if and when this day came, where his comrades lay dead and many forgotten, where you go and never come home again, like so many in those wars that were fought long ago and still today. ...............Next to Eric in that place lays a boy, a young brave and very dead boy, who fought and died in the name of freedom in a land very far away. They sent him home to his mother in a bag. She buried him on the hill in the cemetery and visits him when she can. Today, I found a young marine sitting beside the grave of this boy in full uniform. I approached him, introduced myself and he told me that he had grown up with the young boy in the ground. He was so sad, this young man, missing his friend, trying to make sense out of the senseless murder of a young and brave American soldier...............And Eric lay next to him , waiting for me to join him one day.
I was very ill last year , and I remember thinking that I might die. I thought this would not be so bad, nope not bad at all, Eric would be there, my dog would be there, it would have been ok, I was not frightened at this prospect then or now. I have no wish to die, but if and surely when I do, I will be with Eric again , somehow although I am not so sure just how that works, but I am not scared to find out. not a bit. ..............If figure if he can do it , so can I .
I miss my husband so much each day, more as I get older and closer to the unknown, I believe he is able to penetrate the cloak of death and see me, hear me, look after me. I also believe he lets me know this at times in different way. Crazy this, but true . Today would be a good time to boost me up Er, I need you ..........................
